I have considered standing strong and refusing to change my clocks as a bold statement. And no matter how many connections I draw between the Catechism’s statements on avoiding near occasions of sin and the impact resetting the clocks has on my life, there is, as it turns out, no procedure for opting out of Daylight Saving Time due to religious objection.
I’ve tried to have my home declared part of Arizona, but the powers that be in the City of Austin seem to be part of the Daylight Saving Time conspiracy. This is also when my conspiracy theories grow more elaborate, and I make the other mommies at playdates uncomfortable as I interrupt tea and cookie time to manically list out the details of my plans for a citizen’s revolt against the time change.Įvery year I try to find a loophole that would prevent me from observing the time change. This weekend I was at the grocery store and the cheerful checkout lady announced in a sing-songy voice, “Don’t forget that we lose an hour of sleep this weekend!” When I found myself resisting the urge to jump across the conveyor belt, grab the nice lady by the collar, put my bloodshot eyeballs right up against hers and hiss in my best villain voice, “I DON’T HAVE THAT HOUR TO LOSE, WOMAN,” I knew that the first stage of my reaction to Daylight Saving Time had begun. It’s best if I don’t leave the house for the few days leading up to the beginning of Daylight Saving Time. As an aid to others who twitch every time they hear a chirpy reminder that “it’s time to spring forward!”, I present to you the Five Stages of Daylight Saving Time: In fact, each year I go through five distinct psychological states, ranging from anger to confusion, before I can finally come to terms with what happens to us the second Sunday of every March. Which is why in my house I refer to Daylight Saving Time-which throws my schedule into chaos and costs me sleep-as Daylight Insanity Time. I live and die by our daily schedule, and being sleep deprived is my default state. With four kids under the age of seven, I am particularly impacted by this scourge. After all, a people cannot revolt if they’re using all their mental energy to try to figure out what time it is. My theory is that it’s all part of a vast conspiracy by sinister secret societies who want to keep the citizenry oppressed so that they can carry out their nefarious plans. According to Wikipedia, Daylight Saving Time was first proposed by a guy in New Zealand who wanted more daylight hours to collect bugs, and was popularized by governments hoping to cut down on coal and oil use.
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